8th Day of Pokemon and Him (Hurt and Anger)

I could not open my eyes and my body just would not want to move. I am tired from the exhausting pokemon shows and thinking about Him. I slept late last night blogging and being bold enough to talk with term with Him online. It ain't easy and although it really tough to confess the feeling I had for two years then.

I reached backstage and soon after He arrived a minute later. He didn't talk to me at all and so I avoided Him too. I am angry and dissappointed in Him. He didn't kept His promise to me. However doing the shows, He kept giving me kids during the photoshoot. I just felt that He is still okay. Elvin told me that He was abit weird today. He didn't talk much and kept going for smoking break. "Please don't ruin yourself with nicotine. I know you are stress over your girlfriend and now knowing the truth about me but I seriously think you are just a coward and really naive. Can't you just solve your problems? You know what?" -Whatever-

"I actually put so much effort just by saying 'Hi!' to you when you were with Elvin but what did I get? NOTHING! That's not all. You didn't even say 'Bye' when you left. When you said to me to drop the idea and feeling, I feel so hurt by your words. I feel like I am being forced to stop loving you. I feel so pathetic! The more I think about it, the more I fell for you but I hate you as well!

Seriously FUCK YOU HAIKAL!! Because of your fucked up MOUTH!! I feel like punching him now.

Todae Winson came and thank you, I have a friend. All this while in these production I have no friends, no one to trust. Eventhough I believe I have Him, He is just nothing now. He is just like the rest. I only have Elvin here and sometime I'm just alone. Without Winson there, I might be eating alone. XN, Quincy and Joel came too. So nice of them. Thank you. However, things can never changed. Winson said if he really did not hold back, he would have punch Him and also said "He is not worth your tears."

After the last show, I get changed and just left the backstage to meet my friends. I just said my goodbye to Sharon and I disappeared. Elvin said he is joining them for smoke and later he will meet me. I was at Mac with X, Quincy and Joel while Winson left with his girlfriend a while ago. We waiting for Elvin and when I was day dreaming I saw Him passing by. They decided to eat at Mac as we are leaving. He smiled at me. Elvin is eating with them too and we guys left. He asked me whether I want to eat but I simplely smile back and said "its ok." And He waved goodbye and I left. Its so funny that He sometime this and that. Elvin did told me that He still feel weird. Well, I can't do anything, can I?

With all the thanks and also smiles you gave me, I just feel like avoiding you since you did it first to me. I'll been punching Elvin's arm and I feel bad about it. Sorry. Other than that, I had punched the wall continuously. Its hurts badly but I am numbed to it. I feel so frustrated! Why things are getting complicating?! FUCK YOU HAIKAL!!!

'Why can't He understand me?'

Naturalistic in the Moment

End