He Said It!

OMG~! I'm on cloud nine right now!! I didn't chat with Him for so long and finally todae I leave a msg to Him and He replied me. Well, surprisingly on a wednesdae night youngster like Him would actually go clubbing since its a Ladies' Night but He was at home. I'm so glad =) I asked him why, He just answered "nv lol... no reason" He did also said He is not a frequent clubber! I feel good since He is not. I told Him abt my interview with Lionel Raodaut about my passion in designing and why I choose design?

Minutes later, He asked me whether I have powerpoint installation CD. With no hesitation, I said no. I continued by asking whether His programme had expired but he plainly said "no I need it." Well, at times the way He typed and in fact verbally spoken I'm quite lost. It doesn't make any sense or not answering the question at all.. Weird.

His lappy is version XP while mine is Vista. So not comparable with programmes. Oh ya, so I told Him to wait while I asked around for Him. I cant believe I'm creating so much troubles for myself just for Him. I'm really sorry. I can't help it. This is all I could do. When you like a person you will intend to find ways to help that person out. Btw, I asked around and Khim has it. She sent it to me thru sharing folder but its too big, very slow. However, upon waiting to be transfered to me, I told Him I have it already and after receiving I will send it to Him. He replied me back saying" wa.. thanks. You are really sweet." I was like dumbfounded and stoned. OMG~! thank you =) Oh ya this part.. I asked Him again :-

Syahston - I feel empty and cold. GO AWAY! says:
ask u arh
who have powerpoint cd to lend urgent ---16/06/06 says:
yes my dear'

OH MY GOSH~! I was seriously in shocked by that sentence and almost burst into tears. It was the most sweetest phrase and the only moment which I could get from Him. I could never be called 'dear' ever again from His heart ever =(

Anyway, I had decided to pass the CD to Him because that the transfering takes too much time to load. He said :-


who have powerpoint cd to lend urgent ---16/06/06 says:
tml i go take from u
who have powerpoint cd to lend urgent ---16/06/06 says:
wher u going tml

I need to take the disc from Khim the next dae and so I'm meeting her at Toa Payoh.
And He said :-


who have powerpoint cd to lend urgent ---16/06/06 says:
wa
who have powerpoint cd to lend urgent ---16/06/06 says:
u are really
who have powerpoint cd to lend urgent ---16/06/06 says:
touching
Syahston - I feel empty and cold. GO AWAY! says:
rubbish
Syahston - I feel empty and cold. GO AWAY! says:
-.-

So thats what I replied. Haaha! He said He will be in town or Vivocity todae at around 9.30am. Why? He is going to Sentosa and guess what He have not sleep yet. Its already late at night.


Syahston - I feel empty and cold. GO AWAY! says:
ohh.. so far
who have powerpoint cd to lend urgent ---16/06/06 says:
ya
who have powerpoint cd to lend urgent ---16/06/06 says:
going sentosa
who have powerpoint cd to lend urgent ---16/06/06 says:
hmm
who have powerpoint cd to lend urgent ---16/06/06 says:
u dun come
Syahston - I feel empty and cold. GO AWAY! says:
lol
who have powerpoint cd to lend urgent ---16/06/06 says:
i take from u tml if can
who have powerpoint cd to lend urgent ---16/06/06 says:
ok
Syahston - I feel empty and cold. GO AWAY! says:
i wont!
Syahston - I feel empty and cold. GO AWAY! says:
lol
who have powerpoint cd to lend urgent ---16/06/06 says:
i know
who have powerpoint cd to lend urgent ---16/06/06 says:
lol
who have powerpoint cd to lend urgent ---16/06/06 says:
hahaha
who have powerpoint cd to lend urgent ---16/06/06 says:
lame
Syahston - I feel empty and cold. GO AWAY! says:
-.-

Silly boy la! Am I nuts to go Sentosa just to pass Him the disc?! Crazy! Although I would want to see Him so much, I'm not that sick to get my arse to Vivocity with the fucking weather that could just kill me. What more Sentosa?! I'm so not moving.

I just told Him, "ok la.. tmr when u are in the mainland then u just msg me la.. i will be in toa payoh from 3 -4 pm like that. then see how." I'm so gonna shop with Khim while waiting for His call. He wanted to go over and find me once He is done and did asked me where I stay. However, forget it. I don't think He would know where I lived after telling Him. So.. thats it! =) Happy!

Lust or Lost?

Not being appreciated lead to devastativeness.

Anorexic and loveless.. kills her.

Candleburn

He was blown away by a gust of wind, leaving just melting wax. He knows the truth and reality but he just would not want to leave. If possible, he wants to live in His memories forever. However, he understood that he needs to let go, let it be. He cried every nights and day dreams all days. He could not eat well and thinks he is getting fatter. He would lie down on his bed and would not want to get up, wanting to dream of Him back, to feel the fantasy into reality. Thus, it is just illusion to him. The candle by his bed is melting night by night. Slowly getting shorter and shorter and soon it will vanish. He will leave soon quite soon from now. All that is left will just be patches of melted wax, similar to his heart. A candle leaves its trace, while he leaves a scar. A scar that might not be able to erase off or heal. He loves Him. He hopes for Him. Maybe he is still dreaming. Maybe he is still asleep. Please do not wake him. Let him sleep till he die.
A candle burn thru the night, the clouds are playing with the stars. The moon watches his sleep thru his window, a cry was heard from afar.

A day in VivoCity

27 April 2008

Saturday

In the early dawn, 8.30am, I went to meet Winson and Xinning at Aljunied MRT as we are going to the airport to send Cecillia off. I was to meet her at 9.30am at T1 near a statue just beside the skytram. I met Shireen on the way and we didnt realised each other.

"Good Bye Cecillia!"

After waving our farewell, we had our breakfast at T2 macDonald. I had a student meal, saugage mcmuffin with egg and tea. I added 5 tubes of sugar and I think it still not sweet enough. My friends kept nagging about being bad for my health but I love sweet stuffs =)

From clockwise right: Winson's, Xinning's and mine breakfast meal.

OMG~! Mr Winson Phua permed his hair and finally I saw it. Its so funny and looks like maggi mee! Lots of laughs!

Laalaa.. Maggi mee man!

Soon after the breakfast, We took the train back. Winson off to Bugis with Shireen while Xinning and I went to Vivocity to meet Syahirah and Peanut. We had lunch at Banquet for Prawn Noodle. Walk around Candy Empire, Daiso..

Peanut and Syahirah trying to be farmers.
Us at the upper roof of Vivo.

Nice shot from Syahirah =)

Mr Peanut (He has very LONG eye lashes!)

Me hugging the pole =)

From Right: Xinning, Myself, Peanut and Syahirah

Good Bye todae.. Tired very tired.

The Silent Hearts

AGONY

HATRED

JEALOUSY

DEPRESSION

COLD

Its all about the inner truth.

When all that is not shown, revealed itself bit by bit.

Portraying its pain vividly thru the mind.

It DESTROYS the heart and soul.

The untold TRUTH

Have you ever wonder why Syahid is always crazy? Why is he loud? Why is he care-free?

Well, he is just putting a brave front to forget all unhappiness moments. Thus, not to affect others with the negative feelings he had.

He was asked by friends that said why are you so noisy? Why are you loud? Why are you losing your mind? WHY THIS, WHY THAT?!!

WHY BOTHER ASKED ME WHEN YOU ARE NOT AS PERFECT AS WELL?!!

I was just trying to cover up my points, my agony, my pain.. I dont wish to bring myself down dragging them in. I want to bring colours to my world since I am colour-blind. I want to see my friends around me smiles. I want their world fills with warm and love. However, no one understand my world, my thinking, my heart. I want to run freely, fly across the sky, dive in deep clear sea, jump with joy and dance gracefully but I hope for a soul that would appear awaiting and smiling a me at the end of the day. A soul that would surround me whole-heartedly. Touches my cracked heart and mend it with love. Gave me a sense of security, belonging and comfort. A place that I would always be when I need someone. A reason to live and a reason to feel. Hopes and bliss.

Tears are sacred if sincere and love are form. Yet it brought pain and blood. So never ask Syahid this question " what are you?" I will never answer you and you are just like the rest of the feelingless arseholes! I had set my mind to not bother about these people who asked. SO DONT ASK WHY.

Whether or not I am or not. It does not concerns you. It does not kill you. If you would still love me as a friend, all I asked for is your sincerelity and understanding. It hurts me to explain who I am as I am confused.

I would want to say His name but I was stopped by my own will. I had framed His name in my mind and illustrated His image in my fantasy.

Subtle and deep. Passionate and truth. Beauty and Sweet.

Why cant it be simplier?

Seriously why?

My first love was a simple girl who God brought to my hand with simplity of honesty and sweet memoirs. A forbidden garden of eve without pain but just beauty and paintings of green scenaries and landscapes with tiny mystical creatures and butterflies.

She was named 'Christie'. A very simple, innocent, intellectual soul that I adored with all my heart. I love her tenderously and could only picture her as my wife. Only her among other girls that I had come across. This name portrays the world with her smile and sincerity creates colours to her surrounding. Its like an Angel that paint the earth with her wings.

She is the only one.

He was there. He gave that sense of security, that wonderful feelings, that eyes. Sparkles from deep inside and sweetness till the max that is appreciated only from a sweet tooth like myself. The touch of gold melted my heart and soul leaving only bones. I cried that green eyes bestow upon me seeing a stone that He hold whole-heartedly. I feel safe around His presence and love when He sparkled His smile. When He could not sleep, He thinks of me and gave His blessings thru the night to guard my sleep in peace. He was named '...' (I could not do it)

No matter what it may be.. I will always give my blessings.

You are the Wind that dances the trees and grasses,

I am just a Stone that will not be bothered by anyone.

You swept the world with unseenable breeze,

I am still unnoticeable and dirty.

You are loved and flaunted by many

and I wait secretly..

Pit of Death

I fell to my death because of you.
I want to leave this agony.
I want to leave you especially.
I just want to be normal and feel like how others feel.
I just want to feel the sense of love and concerns from you.

Why cant this world be simplier?
Why cant this love be easier?
Why cant this feeling be better?

Its complicated being in my shoes. I brings so much happiness in everyones but who will bring it to me? Who will be willing to hold me, grip me, guild me, love me..? Who would be concern? Who will smile at me? Who will protect me? Who will save me? Who will pray for me?

Nobody. I will depend on myself and God.

P.Osh Brownie

The brownie that I gave Him and He loves it alot.

I got it from Douby Xchange where the brownie guy worked. Its chewy and full of choc delights!

I'll miss the way He eat it.. sigh!

Lifeless

The water is my friend,
And yet it is my foe.
For although I love to swim,
I now cannot go home.
My body is now drifting
through the endless sea...
And although light surrounds me,
I can never again see.
I cannot see, nor can I hear;
I cannot feel, taste, or smell.
Do you wish to know the truth...?
Yes, actually, I fell...
I fell into this freezing sea;
I dove, knowing that I'd drown.
And here I am just drifting...
Drifting down, down, down...
Even if they find me,
I have drowned myself.
When my family finds me dead...
Heh, they might just wet themselves.
I have killed myself
By falling off that cliff...
And by the time they find me,
It won't make a diff'.
I am now... dead...
And my spirit... lifeless...
Oh, well, at least my family
Is now completely strifeless.

The Task of a Broken Hearted

When a heart is broken,
A piece falls,
A piece goes missing
The puzzle becomes incomplete
And the task of completing it harder
The task of the next love
The task of the broken hearted

When a heart is broken,
A bit of trust dies,
Falling away, disappearing
The ability becomes harder
And the number of trusted smaller
The task of the next friendship
The task of the broken hearted

When the soul becomes lost,
A little piece runs away
A little piece drops to darkness
The soul grows smaller
The light grows dimmer
The task of the next enlightener
The task of the broken hearted

When the world throws you down
It's harder to get back up
Harder to stand up again
The body grows more broken
The spirit more crushed and weak
The task of the next supporter
The task of the broken hearted

When the world is the world,
Things happen
People break
Love is harder
Trust is harder
Truth is harder and standing too
It all comes down to the task of a true friend
And the task of the broken hearted

A Love to Kill

No, you don't belong to me.

No, we don't belong together.

Not the first time I saw you, not even when you entered my heart.

Run away so my eyes can't find you.

So my feelings don't grow, so my heart doesn't know.

I can't pretend it didn't happen.

The tears fall too quickly.

If only I hadn't seen you, no, if only you didn't exist.

I wouldn't ache so much.

I hate you for showing me love.

For making yourself the reason for my being.

You sprung out of hate

but you planted a seed of love in my heart.

I love you, please love me.

No, we can't. STOP! we can't go any further.

If I die, only then will I stop loving you

I Feel Senseless

I woke up todae realising how fast time had passed by since my graduation from O level. It felt like yesterdae I had just only stepped in Lasalle College and now I am ending my year 2 in Fashion Dept. Soon I will be in year 3, my last year in college for my diplomas. It will just be a mere blink of an eye that i will be twenty-one. However, this holidae will not be my greatest neither will it be my happiest.

I feel so depressed and emotional towards this last semester, thinking that He will be graduating from college and I might not be able to see Him again. Its been 2 years of knowing Him and admiring from afar. Praying was all I could do over the years. Although, It had never seem to come true but I understand that God is ever knowledgeable and has a kind heart. Hence, I prayed for health, safety and forgiveness for Him with every drop of tears that flows from these swollen eyes. His memories are similar to air that I breathe for survivor and water that I sip to stay awake from the sandman. Still the sandman did help my soul rest into an illusion of DREAMS that only when everything would fall into place.

I cried in the bus before I met Xinning not that I would want to but emotions take over me and my eyes were wet and heavy. I don't wanna leave my memories with Him but I was forced to. I could not sleep well and my heart feels empty and dead. Does that mean I have to leave Him behind me as my past? But I don't wish too! i seriously dont! Dont bitch with me! GO AWAY!!

I could not take the peircing of the pins in my heart. I want to scream!!!!!
I shall pick up a blade and slit thru my wrist and leave everthing behind, giving Him without worries and happiness, get married, have kids and age together with her. The breeze will take me away and I will still pray for Him.. only God understand my pain.

With all my heart,
Syahid

I had a dream

I was walking down a block of flats, He was beside me scrolling as well.
I had no idea what I was there for and it was night by then.
It seems like we are walking to a nearby heartlander mall for no reason and so.
He smiles at me and gripped my hand tight.
I was stunted and confused. My mind was blanked and my heart raced fast.
He didnt let go and continued walking towards His destination as I have no clue or so, on what was going on.
My shirt slipped off my shoulder and He placed it back for me.
My body feels strange and awkwards at the same time.
I hold my other hand on His arm and looked at his eyes.
He looked back and gave me a smile.
When we almost arrived at the mall, I let go of His hand and kept it to myself.
I dont feel good and just followed Him.
I met His girlfriend and she hits Him.
I was still confused.
She called me a "Bitch!"
and I ran off.
I was pissed and I cried behind a wall.
Suddenly He came infront of me and kiss me.
I woke up and realised it was just a dream..

What was it supposed to mean?

Eternal Summer 盛夏光年

Is the truth ever good for us? Or will the lie cover our skin?
Will the truth be happiness? Or should the lie remains concealed?



What kind of love were we?
Some secrets, I must keep within.
Time flies, but you'll always have me.
No one was born to be lonely.

It Might Be My Last

On mondae 21st April is the assessment dae of all Fashion students including the Diplomat. I met Him again on sundae 20th in the print shop, its like God is ever understanding and knowing that i wont be seeing Him anymore as from the 21st. He will be graduating and soon will be in NS on June 13th. I wanna say this.. I AM FUCKING SAD AND EMO-ISH NOW!!!!!!!

okok.. leave that aside. I met Him and His girlfriend at the print shop and unbelievable me, I chat with her.

The next dae was my assessment and I was scrolling to school with load of things on me! I looked like a "KARANG GUNI MAN." I was hoping He's ok with His work and not late for assessment. I am so tired and finally my loads are off me!! I hope to see Him again.. as I know this might be my last. I think I'm going emo-ish soon and this is bad! I hate this feeling.

I see Him

On fridae 18th April, was my communication presentation. Surprisingly, my group did well for the shoots =)

after that long sleepy day of presenting to the panel of judges, Joel, Ning and I went for dinner at douby xchange Just Acia Restaurant. OMG~! brownie guy was there too. The shop was opened and it was running out of brownie soon =S !!

I felt awkward sitting facing him, well he was quite busy and guess what?! He saw me and waved! I was so shocked and blushing away! Oh God! stoopid joel and ning provoking me over him! annoying!!! well! He's sweet =)

The next day saturdae 20th April, I went back to school to do my textile fabric. OMG~!! fucking asre! it was not easy as it seem to be. My work looks like patches of MENSES! lol
I went to the sewing room to overlock my fabric and He was there!! I didnt really see Him but He called out my name and i was surprised. He came down just to help His friend with the garment. so nice of Him. He still got loads of work to do before mondae its His assessment like mine. We chat with Shariff too. This small guy in fashion who looks like a small girl. lol! well, tell me abt it most fashion student looks like a girl. lol!

BTW, He and Shariff are going down to smoke and Shariff was rushing on completing his garment. CURSING AND SWEARING!! omg! Shariff..

Well, He asked me abt the job i'm working at. I tried to get Him a part of the role but that is decided by Nora =)
He helped me cut the overlocking threads on my fabrics.. so nice. I'm dying!

The Curse of Male models and Me

Omg~! Joel is in the final for this design competition by recontructing a pair of jeans. Btw, Ain and I went for the "Talk with Colin something something" in the morning in school. It was a talk with the creative director of Calvin Klein, Mr Kevin Carrigan.

Oh ya, Mr Photographer is so darn HOTT!! Tall, dark, handsome.. OMG~! I sounded like a little sissy girl~~ Anyway, He's hot and I was dozing off in the lecture theathe. Its not that Mr Carrigan is boring but i was too sleepy! =) His talked was inspiring and convincing and white.. what the heck am i blabbering about?!!! Still HOTT, the guy in the room!!

Then at 4pm, Ain, Xinning and I rushed down to Bugis junction to support Mr Joel Wong and his "Haute Couture Inspired" WOW! there were a pool of people that are CRAZY!! Cuteness and Hotie! I am damn freaking desperate!! LOL~!

OKOK, RUNWAY STARTED.. SHH~!!

Daniel Ong as host, pointing direction... right Daniel!

First model walk, RIDDY ASH BURN! .. Work It!!..

Secondly, girl model.. ok whatever!

Third, ... still girl..

FOURTH, some Chinese looking Malay model.. not bad. Hott and Built! not mine type.. bleah!

Skip, skip, skip...

AAHH..!! Seventh, Joel's model.. OH SHIT! I forgotten his name..

HOTT can?! Reminded me of Junior but BIGGER!

Yummy!!

Pakcik coming thru!!

He's so cool =) and Mr Joel

This guy is fourth, OMG~! CONFUSED x.x

Anyway, very cute..

Riddy posing hard!

AND WOW!!!

it ended... -.-

Fragility

Since brass, nor, stone, nor earth, nor boundness sea.

But sad mortality O'ersways their power.

How with this rage shall beauty hold a plea,

whose action is no stronger that a flower?

O! How shall summer's honey breath hold out,

againt the wrackful siege of battering days.

When rocks impregnable are not so stout

nor gates of steel so strong but Time decays?

O fearful meditation! Where, alack,

shall Time's best jewel from Time's chest lie hid?

Or what strong hand can hold his swift foot back

or who his spoil of beauty can forbid?

O! None, unless this mircle have might

that in black ink my love may still shine bright.

William Shakespeare

ELLE's Fashion Spread on the Olympic June Issue 2008

The Olympic Rings

Representing Each Sports

Swimming

Gap Crop Sleeves Jacket, Dog Award Badge, Dress, Fishnet Leggings all from Topshop

Atheletic

Yellow Scarf Stylist's own, Zara Knitted Off-Shoulder Top, Gap High-waisted Belt, White Short Stylist's Own

Wushu

Mango Oriental Printed Top, White Topshop Tank Top, Belt Stylist's Own

Gymnastic

Green Topshop Tank Top (inside), Topshop blouse, Topshop Really-short Pants, Belt Stylist's Own

Art Director:

Fiona Ng

Stylist:

Syahid Mohd

Hairstylist:

Julia Ng

Makeup Artist:

Alexandra Ong

Makeup Conceptual Artist:

Zit

Photographer:

Ain Naharuddin

Model:

Nargis Musawir

STYLE:NORDIC

Omg~!! i was selected to usher VIP guests to their seats.. how "exciting"!

These scandivanian designers brought in storm to Lasalle that evening.

The concept of it is 'VIT' which means white in swedish.

I was like going crazy! So many cute-ness around!

I tell you this guy model named Juan is damn freaking HOTT!! It was burning flame!

Stupid Marie! She was wasted after the runway and SHIT she told this chinese guy which i found bloody cute that i likes him.. I FLEED AWAY FROM THE SCENE!!! Bloody shit =/

After the runway, there was an "after parte" and seriously my usher's friends and I went too HIGH and yesh! I GOT MY PHOTO TAKEN WITH JUAN! =) What move, he was half-naked and not wearing any undergarment. It was part of the runway's outfit that was choosen for him.

Imagine being taken with a guy who is shirtless feels weird.. OH WELL! Its just for memoir!

Adding on, he placed his arm around me.. OH SHIT! "Is it me, or the crowd is making me HOT?!

Haha! He was not that good-looking but amazing bod! Haha! The other guy is short and the third guy with a shirt was not that bad either =)

Lastly, THE RUNWAY WALK WAS REAL BAD!!! =)

The end

A New Family in the House

As you know that my first cat named Sayang had passed on for 2 years plus and now I have two other cats living with me. Both are female. Then one night, when i reached home i found a kitten at home! OMG~! He looks exactly like Sayang =) I miss him dearly..

My Sayang

This is Bear-Bear

My Hope Came True

27 November 2007
Tuesday

You can say that I am pathetic or bitch about what I have become but I dont GIVE A DAMN whatever is stated! Bravely, I gave myself a push to thicken my skin to ask Him and God is ever nice to grant me this wish =)

From a moment of heartache and despair to a wonderful night of magic! I was given a time of two just together yet it ended so fast like time skipped a minute or two. An hour feels like a minute to me. It speaks for a phase "time passes when we are having fun..."

At 8.15AM, His message woke me up from my anxious sleep. However, I was upset upon seeing His message which says He had to accompany His girlfriend to see the doctor. Can you believe it, of all days! Why must she fall sick on this special day?! Hence, he was still willing to meet me two hours later. I am still content, although my hours are wasted =(

The worst is yet to come, He was late =) and when He arrived He told me that His girlfriend was there with Him. I was DEVASTATED and began cursing! OMG~! haha.. but He told me that they quarreled. I felt useless that I could not help. My mind stopped me from helping since its their problem. However, my heart tells me that I am not being myself. OK enough about thier affair.

He and I went to Cine to get the tickets and there was still plenty of time to spare. I wanted to SHOP!! He was very nice. I have not ate anything since breakfast so He forced me to eat but i was not hungry. Perhaps seeing Him made me full.

After all those walking, we had dinner at Far East Plaza's Sakura Restaurant. We ordered sambal kangkong with Him having Hong Kong horfun and I had seafood fried rice =) YUMMY!
We chat all the way and I could not finished my rice. Yet He finished it for me. He was too hungry. I guessed He lied to me about eating at home. It was quite weird with only both of us on these two seats table. We were like an item =) haha! I sensed His warmness around me being a gentleman. After the movie, we took some photos and He needs to meet His guys friends for a drink at Douby Ghaut since they had booked out of camp. He sent me all the way to City Hall before meeting them.. How's SWEET! =)

Thank you for the night.