I woke up todae realising how fast time had passed by since my graduation from O level. It felt like yesterdae I had just only stepped in Lasalle College and now I am ending my year 2 in Fashion Dept. Soon I will be in year 3, my last year in college for my diplomas. It will just be a mere blink of an eye that i will be twenty-one. However, this holidae will not be my greatest neither will it be my happiest.
I feel so depressed and emotional towards this last semester, thinking that He will be graduating from college and I might not be able to see Him again. Its been 2 years of knowing Him and admiring from afar. Praying was all I could do over the years. Although, It had never seem to come true but I understand that God is ever knowledgeable and has a kind heart. Hence, I prayed for health, safety and forgiveness for Him with every drop of tears that flows from these swollen eyes. His memories are similar to air that I breathe for survivor and water that I sip to stay awake from the sandman. Still the sandman did help my soul rest into an illusion of DREAMS that only when everything would fall into place.
I cried in the bus before I met Xinning not that I would want to but emotions take over me and my eyes were wet and heavy. I don't wanna leave my memories with Him but I was forced to. I could not sleep well and my heart feels empty and dead. Does that mean I have to leave Him behind me as my past? But I don't wish too! i seriously dont! Dont bitch with me! GO AWAY!!
I could not take the peircing of the pins in my heart. I want to scream!!!!!
I shall pick up a blade and slit thru my wrist and leave everthing behind, giving Him without worries and happiness, get married, have kids and age together with her. The breeze will take me away and I will still pray for Him.. only God understand my pain.
With all my heart,
Syahid
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